To live a good life, one must learn to let go.
White has been a carer for over twenty years. During these years, she has shouldered the responsibility of taking care of three family members. She not only cares for her parents who have cancer but also her aunt who suffers from various age-related illnesses and resides alone in a nursing home. Originally, White and her father took care of her mother, who had bladder cancer together. However, due to her father’s constant worry about his wife’s condition, he accommodated her at every turn, bearing her bad temper and neglecting his own health. Eventually, the benign tumor in her father’s brain developed into brain cancer due to stress.
When her mother fell ill, White quit her job and joined her father in running their parents’ small business. White had hoped that her family members would become a source of support for her, but reality had a way of falling short of the ideal. Although White had several siblings, none of them could share the burden of taking care of their parents. Her sister in Taiwan was too far away to grasp the actual situation, so she couldn’t provide much help. As for her brother, who had always been favoured by their parents due to the traditional preference for sons, he never bothered to care for their parents. In the end, only White was left silently bearing all the carer pressure.
Not only did her family members fail to share the burden with White, but they also trapped her in a dilemma. “I never expected that caregiving would affect others,” White frankly admits. She acknowledges that the caregiving work itself is not too arduous, but the strain on her relationships with her own family due to the demands of caring for her parents is the most distressing part. Since White dedicates most of her time to wholeheartedly taking care of her parents and aunt, her interactions with her own family have significantly decreased. Petty quarrels within the family began to sprout. In a state of isolation and helplessness, White has experienced moments of exhaustion. She vividly remembers times when she was so fatigued that she couldn’t even muster the strength to take a bus and had to grab a taxi to return home and rest as quickly as possible.
Although she lacks support from her family, White is grateful for the caring neighbors and friends around her who have supported her throughout the journey. Influenced by a traditional family that favoured sons over daughters since childhood, White is introverted and not adept at expressing herself, which has subjected her to a lot of anger and pressure. After participating in volunteer courses and activities organized by Community Rehabilitation Network, White realized the importance of finding like-minded individuals with whom she could share her innermost thoughts. She also learned how to express herself and reject others, becoming more confident than ever. Moreover, engaging in volunteer work not only gives White a sense of accomplishment but also teaches her the spirit of giving and the constant pursuit of learning, making her more cheerful and at ease.
Many things in the world are like grains of sand — the more we try to grasp, the more they slip away. By letting go of attachments, perhaps we can achieve a different result, or even unexpected gains.
